Sometimes it is not what we have but what we don't have!
This month I have tried to focus on what I am thankful for. Turns out I am most thankful for things I have. But today I was thankful for something I don't have and it made me realize there are lots of things that I don't have that I am thankful for.
For instance my wonderful God Daughter has sleep apnea. I am more than thankful for not having that! Thankful I don't have cancer, I am not blind or deaf. Thankful I am not in poor health. Thankful I am not homeless or penniless (except when I spend my money before the end of the month). I am thankful I am not in an abusive relationship, or friendless.
So I am feeling today like I am awfully blessed for many things that I don't have. It is nice to have, but just as nice to have NOT!
Life is certainly good, sometimes for what we have and sometimes for what we don't have. I am living it and being thankful in my circumstances!!!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
The End of A Friendship
Sometimes things that happen make me sad and I have trouble dealing with them. That sadness can overtake me and become my focus. Too many things seem to be tied to the circumstances causing the sadness. How to let go, move on and find the good is what I am seeking today.
When I am being used and abused it is not necessarily my fault! If I fully believed that statement I would not be writing this blog at this moment. I tend to be such a rescuer and even when I know I am being used I think the user will see my worth and stop it! Right now at this point in time I am sick to death of being used! It is my fault that I have allowed it to continue. I have tried to be a friend and help a person who really doesn't care to help herself. I have been shut out, left hanging and lied to for some time now. Why the hell do I let it continue? Do I need a friend so badly that I am willing to put up with it? Am I afraid to hurt feelings even when mine are minced meat? Do I really think I should continue to try to help in hopes she will get it? Maybe a part of each question holds the answer.
One thing that I absolutely hate is being lied to. This friend must think I am too stupid to breathe. And therein lies the key. When someone lies to me it makes me feel like they think I am stupid enough to believe what I am being told. I have been through enough in life to know when I am being lied to. Don't underestimate me! I am far from stupid and better people have tried to pull the wool over my eyes. I have let it go and not said much but today it STOPS!!
This person has changed over the past couple of months and I had hoped I was wrong. I don't think that is the case. She has changed, she is being played and there is nothing I can do. I hate to see it but I can only be responsible for me. She makes choices and she will reap what she sows. My trust is gone and I really have no interest in trying to salvage it. Not only did she not keep her word to me I stuck my neck out for her and she has not kept her word to others that tried to help her too.
I cannot afford to feel badly and keep putting good intentions into this friendship. I need to cut my looses and put my energy back into positive, caring and mutual respect relationships.
I want friendships that grow and feel right. Ones that have give and take. A relationship where truth is ALWAYS a first priority. I want what I am feeling to be of equal importantence and not just have someone pretend to believe in me to get what they want out of me. Friends should be extending family. I thought this friend was.
But you know what....I will be fine, she will be just fine and it is probably best for both of us to call it a day. She has disappointed me for the last time and I am sure she will be glad to have it over as well. She obviously has very little if any respect for me or she would not have treated our friendship as she has been.
Life is good, there will be other friendships. Today I am okay with this decision. I am gonna live...and I am gonna live life MY way and so is she...Good luck.
When I am being used and abused it is not necessarily my fault! If I fully believed that statement I would not be writing this blog at this moment. I tend to be such a rescuer and even when I know I am being used I think the user will see my worth and stop it! Right now at this point in time I am sick to death of being used! It is my fault that I have allowed it to continue. I have tried to be a friend and help a person who really doesn't care to help herself. I have been shut out, left hanging and lied to for some time now. Why the hell do I let it continue? Do I need a friend so badly that I am willing to put up with it? Am I afraid to hurt feelings even when mine are minced meat? Do I really think I should continue to try to help in hopes she will get it? Maybe a part of each question holds the answer.
One thing that I absolutely hate is being lied to. This friend must think I am too stupid to breathe. And therein lies the key. When someone lies to me it makes me feel like they think I am stupid enough to believe what I am being told. I have been through enough in life to know when I am being lied to. Don't underestimate me! I am far from stupid and better people have tried to pull the wool over my eyes. I have let it go and not said much but today it STOPS!!
This person has changed over the past couple of months and I had hoped I was wrong. I don't think that is the case. She has changed, she is being played and there is nothing I can do. I hate to see it but I can only be responsible for me. She makes choices and she will reap what she sows. My trust is gone and I really have no interest in trying to salvage it. Not only did she not keep her word to me I stuck my neck out for her and she has not kept her word to others that tried to help her too.
I cannot afford to feel badly and keep putting good intentions into this friendship. I need to cut my looses and put my energy back into positive, caring and mutual respect relationships.
I want friendships that grow and feel right. Ones that have give and take. A relationship where truth is ALWAYS a first priority. I want what I am feeling to be of equal importantence and not just have someone pretend to believe in me to get what they want out of me. Friends should be extending family. I thought this friend was.
But you know what....I will be fine, she will be just fine and it is probably best for both of us to call it a day. She has disappointed me for the last time and I am sure she will be glad to have it over as well. She obviously has very little if any respect for me or she would not have treated our friendship as she has been.
Life is good, there will be other friendships. Today I am okay with this decision. I am gonna live...and I am gonna live life MY way and so is she...Good luck.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Learning to Travel
I believe that when you travel you see things in a very different light.
Before I begin a journey I get so excited I can hardly stand it. The thrill of planning what to take, getting packed, how to get to my destination who I will see, and what I will do takes over my brain.
I am so spontaneous that I rarely tend to details in advance. That to me lends to the adventure. I forget when dealing with others they might be a detail oriented person and my lack of detail can make them a little crazy!
I always just assume that everything will fall into place and I will have a blast and no one will be put out on my behalf. Idealistic...maybe. If you don't speak up are you enjoying yourself?
Not too long ago someone asked me if I had any rituals? I thought to myself.."me, rituals...ahh NO!" You know what I have discovered? I do! Nothing major but little things that I do without thinking. Wash my face, apply my moisturizer. Little taken for granted pieces of my day. Creature of habit, no, well, maybe a little. Takes a little edge off the spontaneity but I suppose if you don't realize it it's okay. For some odd reason I don't like to be placed in the category of a creature of habit. Wishing to be foot loose, fancy free, listening and answering to my spirited soul, blown by the wind of instinct, being held accountable only by my whims. Only if such were possible or obtainable.
So I am thinking that it is a trade off. Considerations have to be made. Being true to my bohemian side is perfectly acceptable, as long as I can convey my wishes without expecting all things to revolve around me. Simple things in travel are as exciting as planned tours and costly excursions. Being with loved ones, sharing a meal, talking into the night and laughing until you wet your panties is the ultimate experience! People watching is free and can entertain even the fuddy duddy's in any group. Take lots of pictures, keep the memories in tack, journal and above all be present!
I am learning every day, I am becoming more complete each trip. I am living in each venue and loving it entirely!
It's my life, I am living it, and I thank you for allowing me to be part of your life and sharing with you!!
Before I begin a journey I get so excited I can hardly stand it. The thrill of planning what to take, getting packed, how to get to my destination who I will see, and what I will do takes over my brain.
I am so spontaneous that I rarely tend to details in advance. That to me lends to the adventure. I forget when dealing with others they might be a detail oriented person and my lack of detail can make them a little crazy!
I always just assume that everything will fall into place and I will have a blast and no one will be put out on my behalf. Idealistic...maybe. If you don't speak up are you enjoying yourself?
Not too long ago someone asked me if I had any rituals? I thought to myself.."me, rituals...ahh NO!" You know what I have discovered? I do! Nothing major but little things that I do without thinking. Wash my face, apply my moisturizer. Little taken for granted pieces of my day. Creature of habit, no, well, maybe a little. Takes a little edge off the spontaneity but I suppose if you don't realize it it's okay. For some odd reason I don't like to be placed in the category of a creature of habit. Wishing to be foot loose, fancy free, listening and answering to my spirited soul, blown by the wind of instinct, being held accountable only by my whims. Only if such were possible or obtainable.
So I am thinking that it is a trade off. Considerations have to be made. Being true to my bohemian side is perfectly acceptable, as long as I can convey my wishes without expecting all things to revolve around me. Simple things in travel are as exciting as planned tours and costly excursions. Being with loved ones, sharing a meal, talking into the night and laughing until you wet your panties is the ultimate experience! People watching is free and can entertain even the fuddy duddy's in any group. Take lots of pictures, keep the memories in tack, journal and above all be present!
I am learning every day, I am becoming more complete each trip. I am living in each venue and loving it entirely!
It's my life, I am living it, and I thank you for allowing me to be part of your life and sharing with you!!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Loving Again
Sometimes when life is going good I find myself waiting to see what is going to go wrong! Can life be this good? What is going to come along and screw this up? Something ALWAYS happens so I am certain this time will be no different!
I don't want this to go wrong. In fact each time I am with him is better than the time before. Yet I continue to borrow trouble. I keep looking at the negative instead of focusing on the positive. And the positive totally out weighs the negative!!
Never thought I would feel this way again. Never thought I would want someone so badly. And never did I think someone could feel the same love for me! I deserve to be happy....after all everyone says so. Even though things are not perfect in this relationship it can work. If we want it badly enough it will work.
Brain washing occurs in the form of such quotes as "every good thing must come to an end". Why must it? So I am trying to replace these with thoughts like "anything worth having is worth working for" or "good things come to those who wait" or "every cloud has a silver lining". Works for me......sometimes.
Spending 3 days with my love has given me even more to wish for, to wait for, to actively seek. Waking up with him is like the first day of spring. New and exciting. Laying in his arms at the end of the day I am so safe and content. Talking with him, sharing stories and dreams is inspiring and revealing. It's hard to send him off to work as I miss him. But then he comes back and the almost school girl excitement replaces the emptiness and makes us both giddy. Laughing and talking, snuggling and looking into each others hearts, even eating and watching television is special and exciting.
Before the dream from my Matthew I felt these things but not like I do now. Before I held back and felt a bit guilty. Now it is fresh and new and I am enjoying each and every moment. As I can give more freely I am receiving more in return and it is amazing. No reservations I am giving this man my heart, trusting he will not break it, knowing full well he has the power to.
Today I am on top of the world in my personal life. Today I am living above limits, today I am loving again with my whole heart and that love is being returned!!! Life is better than good...it's full and satisfying and special and exciting and I am living it!!!!
I don't want this to go wrong. In fact each time I am with him is better than the time before. Yet I continue to borrow trouble. I keep looking at the negative instead of focusing on the positive. And the positive totally out weighs the negative!!
Never thought I would feel this way again. Never thought I would want someone so badly. And never did I think someone could feel the same love for me! I deserve to be happy....after all everyone says so. Even though things are not perfect in this relationship it can work. If we want it badly enough it will work.
Brain washing occurs in the form of such quotes as "every good thing must come to an end". Why must it? So I am trying to replace these with thoughts like "anything worth having is worth working for" or "good things come to those who wait" or "every cloud has a silver lining". Works for me......sometimes.
Spending 3 days with my love has given me even more to wish for, to wait for, to actively seek. Waking up with him is like the first day of spring. New and exciting. Laying in his arms at the end of the day I am so safe and content. Talking with him, sharing stories and dreams is inspiring and revealing. It's hard to send him off to work as I miss him. But then he comes back and the almost school girl excitement replaces the emptiness and makes us both giddy. Laughing and talking, snuggling and looking into each others hearts, even eating and watching television is special and exciting.
Before the dream from my Matthew I felt these things but not like I do now. Before I held back and felt a bit guilty. Now it is fresh and new and I am enjoying each and every moment. As I can give more freely I am receiving more in return and it is amazing. No reservations I am giving this man my heart, trusting he will not break it, knowing full well he has the power to.
Today I am on top of the world in my personal life. Today I am living above limits, today I am loving again with my whole heart and that love is being returned!!! Life is better than good...it's full and satisfying and special and exciting and I am living it!!!!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Hurry Up And Wait!!!
Sometimes I am too excited to be patient. And often when I am impatient I lose my mind!
It is not always big things that I get excited about, more often than not they are small things. They just make me happy.
Waiting is NOT my strong suit! I am one of those that wakes my kids up on Christmas morning long before the rooster crows because I am too excited to wait any longer! I get dressed to go out hours early because I cant' wait to go! If I am going to travel I pack weeks ahead of time! If I have early morning plans I don't sleep the night before! And if I have plans with my special someone I get sick to my stomach with excitement! Face it....I'm not normal.
Right now I have two special things coming up and I am beside myself. Try as I may I cannot contain my excitement and managing my time has become very difficult. Both events are things that are a bit of a secret and that adds to the excitement! But it also adds to my frustration. You see not everyone would be excited for me or share my enthusiasm. Some people cannot know until it actually happens and some could care less, while others may think me crazy and still others would not like it at all. Therefore I just kind of keep it to myself. That is difficult for me as I am a pretty open person. When I am bubbling over with anticipation it is extremely hard for me not to share. This is a tough spot for me. I want to tell the world what I'm up to but ....I know better. LOL
So filling my time becomes a huge challenge. As I am not working I have way too much time on my hands. I am trying to spend a lot of time with my grandsons. I am watching a lot of movies, listen to music I like and even reading a little (now that I have finished all the Shades Of Gray books not so much.)
It is cold out which is my excuse for not getting out and walking, however I have a treadmill right here that I need to use. Maybe today I will do that. I am going to try hard to get back into the normal swing of my life and quit daydreaming and actually accomplish something. If I don't I will find myself worn out before I even begin my adventure. LOL!
Life is good, only getting better and I am impatient to LIVE it NOW!!!
It is not always big things that I get excited about, more often than not they are small things. They just make me happy.
Waiting is NOT my strong suit! I am one of those that wakes my kids up on Christmas morning long before the rooster crows because I am too excited to wait any longer! I get dressed to go out hours early because I cant' wait to go! If I am going to travel I pack weeks ahead of time! If I have early morning plans I don't sleep the night before! And if I have plans with my special someone I get sick to my stomach with excitement! Face it....I'm not normal.
Right now I have two special things coming up and I am beside myself. Try as I may I cannot contain my excitement and managing my time has become very difficult. Both events are things that are a bit of a secret and that adds to the excitement! But it also adds to my frustration. You see not everyone would be excited for me or share my enthusiasm. Some people cannot know until it actually happens and some could care less, while others may think me crazy and still others would not like it at all. Therefore I just kind of keep it to myself. That is difficult for me as I am a pretty open person. When I am bubbling over with anticipation it is extremely hard for me not to share. This is a tough spot for me. I want to tell the world what I'm up to but ....I know better. LOL
So filling my time becomes a huge challenge. As I am not working I have way too much time on my hands. I am trying to spend a lot of time with my grandsons. I am watching a lot of movies, listen to music I like and even reading a little (now that I have finished all the Shades Of Gray books not so much.)
It is cold out which is my excuse for not getting out and walking, however I have a treadmill right here that I need to use. Maybe today I will do that. I am going to try hard to get back into the normal swing of my life and quit daydreaming and actually accomplish something. If I don't I will find myself worn out before I even begin my adventure. LOL!
Life is good, only getting better and I am impatient to LIVE it NOW!!!
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