As of today David and I have been seeing each other for 2 months. Still getting to know one another. No red flags, no obstacles, no deal breaking behaviors. Nice. Safe. Easy. I enjoy his company, he seems to enjoy mine. We laugh, talk, hold hands and our silences are not awkward. It is fabulous to go to bed together and wake up together. He is a snuggler just like me! He is kind, giving and considerate. He is intelligent and very logical. He tells me how sweet and kind I am and how much I spoil him. He always asks me where I want to go and what I want to do. He is a planner and a bit obsessive/compulsive but that is not always a bad thing. We really are opposites but it has not presented any problems. Not outwardly at any rate.
I am feeling a bit stifled. Even though he seems to enjoy my sense of adventure and my excitement over little things I find myself wondering if I'm a little to silly for him. He is much more reserved than I. My zest for life and enjoyment of traveling and seeing new things, experiencing new places takes over and my awe and wonder spill out! I don't want to change who I am. He's not said anything to lead me to think he objects, it's just a feeling I have. I wonder if he is just too kind to let me know that he finds me immature and silly. He said I brighten up his life a lot. Why can't I accept that he meant it?
I am hoping I am just experiencing a little homesickness and that I am not seeing clearly. Part of me feels that I am borrowing trouble where there is none. It's like it all too good to be true. I'm afraid to believe that it's all good. Where's the but? I tell myself, "Judi! What the hell is wrong with you?" I'm here in PA with a man that seems to thoroughly enjoy being with me, treats me very well, holds my hand in public, holds me at night, thanks me for everything I do for him, talks about the future with me in it and tells me how great I am. And I'm looking for flaws? I'm waiting for it to all fall apart. I'm looking for an ulterior motive. Oh I hate this...!!
Maybe by writing this all down it will help clarify my thoughts a little. I feel better seeing some of David's positive points, of which he has many! I need to quit looking for promises and happy endings and live for today, today that is sweet and fun and filled with enjoyment. I KNOW that there is no promise of tomorrow, no promise of smooth sailing, no promise of undying love. I know there is not always over the moon connections and fireworks filled skies. I also know that life is good, as good as you make it. My life is good and I will make the absolute best of it!! Feeling down is a bump in the road and I will deal with it. After all it is the first day in 2 months that have felt like this, that is a great thing! Moving forward, even slowly, is better than going backward or even standing still. Life is good, live it as such!!!
