Sometimes when life is going good I find myself waiting to see what is going to go wrong! Can life be this good? What is going to come along and screw this up? Something ALWAYS happens so I am certain this time will be no different!
I don't want this to go wrong. In fact each time I am with him is better than the time before. Yet I continue to borrow trouble. I keep looking at the negative instead of focusing on the positive. And the positive totally out weighs the negative!!
Never thought I would feel this way again. Never thought I would want someone so badly. And never did I think someone could feel the same love for me! I deserve to be happy....after all everyone says so. Even though things are not perfect in this relationship it can work. If we want it badly enough it will work.
Brain washing occurs in the form of such quotes as "every good thing must come to an end". Why must it? So I am trying to replace these with thoughts like "anything worth having is worth working for" or "good things come to those who wait" or "every cloud has a silver lining". Works for me......sometimes.
Spending 3 days with my love has given me even more to wish for, to wait for, to actively seek. Waking up with him is like the first day of spring. New and exciting. Laying in his arms at the end of the day I am so safe and content. Talking with him, sharing stories and dreams is inspiring and revealing. It's hard to send him off to work as I miss him. But then he comes back and the almost school girl excitement replaces the emptiness and makes us both giddy. Laughing and talking, snuggling and looking into each others hearts, even eating and watching television is special and exciting.
Before the dream from my Matthew I felt these things but not like I do now. Before I held back and felt a bit guilty. Now it is fresh and new and I am enjoying each and every moment. As I can give more freely I am receiving more in return and it is amazing. No reservations I am giving this man my heart, trusting he will not break it, knowing full well he has the power to.
Today I am on top of the world in my personal life. Today I am living above limits, today I am loving again with my whole heart and that love is being returned!!! Life is better than good...it's full and satisfying and special and exciting and I am living it!!!!
