I don't know. I have been so emotional lately. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being emotional and I am tired of this indecisive mind of mine!
I have thrown myself into healthy eating and exercise but my spiritual being is screaming from deep inside! My mind is in constant turmoil. Thoughts from here to there in 0.4 seconds. Even my fantasies are odd and unfamiliar to me.
I have not been sleeping well and I know for me that is a MUST! Without sleep I cannot focus on any one thing, let alone the billion and one things that have been on my mind lately. That will have to become my number one obstacle to overcome these next few days.
It's funny how sometimes when I write it's like my fingers have a mind of their own and thoughts I didn't even know I was thinking emerge. Perhaps my fingers are smarter than my brain at this moment.
I know that for me organization of challenges is a priority. I have not been doing a very good job of choosing my battles lately. I am letting far too many things become a battle. One at a time Judi, one at a time. And what is worthy of fighting for and what is NOT? Slow down. Focus on what is important for you and your loved ones. What can you feasibly change and do? All the worry in the world changes exactly NOTHING.
Yep talking to oneself may seem crazy to some, but to me it is perfectly normal. I am my own sounding board. At times however I seem to ignore or forget my own best advice. The human in me still wants what she wants the way she wants it, not only for me but for those I love that have a direct affect on my life.
I know some around me are concerned about my emotional state, I can assure you I am not in a bad place right now. I just seem to have a conviction in my heart right now that demands action. That demand is intense and at times confusing to my brain/heart thought process. I am at times so overwhelmed with the weight of my thoughts on certain matters that I require lots of alone time to try and sort out and categorize them. I am not hiding or shutting anyone out, I am just trying as best I can to keep some order in my life.
I ask that you, my family and friends, be patient with me, allow me to move through this maze of mine at my own pace, accept me and my decisions without question and love me. I am a big girl. I have been doing this life thing for a long time. I have made mistakes and I have learned lessons the hard way. I trust myself these days, which is new to me. I fall down, I may wallow, but I always get up. It's my life, my journey and I will live it my way, I will love days of it and I will hate days of it, this I know to be true. But in the end it's good and I am happy to be living it.
