To answer that question I find I have to ask myself more questions. What do I want? How do I go about getting it? Where the hell do I begin?
Like everyone else, I want to be happy. So what do I think will make me happy? The obvious answer is a man. What kind of man? I want a man that will love me back. I want a man who will accept who I am. A man who will love me quirks and all. An open, honest man who wants to share life's ups and downs with me, kiss away my tears and hold me when I am scared. I want a man that can make me laugh and lights up when I enter the room. A man that likes surprises and practical jokes, who will act silly right along with me.
I know I need to be satisfied with myself before expecting someone else to be satisfied with me. I know I can't depend on someone else for my happiness, but I also know that I am happiest when I have a special man in my life. I enjoy having a man to cater to, to care for, and love. I HATE not having a man in my life. Call me weird, call me crazy and label me old fashioned and co-dependent I don't really care. I am the one in my skin and I'm okay with feeling the need for a partner to walk through this life with.
Yes, I know I have lots of people who love me and care about me. And I have lots of people that I love and care about. Not to diminish that, but it's not the same thing as having someone to share life with on an everyday basis. It's not the same as having a loving partner that kisses you good night every night and good morning each day. It's not the same as having someone right here right now when you need a hug or a gentle kiss. Many people think they understand, but most of them truly don't.
I have to say that David set a very high standard. A standard that I am unwilling to compromise. He had amazing qualities and treated me like I want to be treated. We did things that I enjoyed and I want to continue to do. I want someone to travel with, to go out to dinners with, to snuggle up next to to watch TV. Someone who listens when I talk and tells me his honest opinion when I ask for it. I want someone with honor and the convictions to do what's right. He treated my like a princess and I could get used to that!
Finding someone is a challenge that I have got to be willing to commit to. I cannot sit here in my safe little world and expect my prince to come riding through the hallways in search of me. I cannot and will not settle for less than I deserve. I am through with free social sites!! And most importantly right now, I WILL take my time and not fall for the first guy who comes along. I am not desperate, but am determined to find the right man to get my last "first" kiss. My eyes are open, my heart will heal in time and be ready for the next step. I have to be proactive and stop being reactive! I have to listen to my intuition and follow my heart.
Today my be the 2nd day of the new year, but it's the 1st day of the rest of my life. A life that I look forward to living. A life, that starting this very moment, I will be more in control of. I can do this, I can find what makes me happy and I can do it MY way. It's my life and I am going to make sure to live it fully!!
