Sometimes things that happen make me sad and I have trouble dealing with them. That sadness can overtake me and become my focus. Too many things seem to be tied to the circumstances causing the sadness. How to let go, move on and find the good is what I am seeking today.
When I am being used and abused it is not necessarily my fault! If I fully believed that statement I would not be writing this blog at this moment. I tend to be such a rescuer and even when I know I am being used I think the user will see my worth and stop it! Right now at this point in time I am sick to death of being used! It is my fault that I have allowed it to continue. I have tried to be a friend and help a person who really doesn't care to help herself. I have been shut out, left hanging and lied to for some time now. Why the hell do I let it continue? Do I need a friend so badly that I am willing to put up with it? Am I afraid to hurt feelings even when mine are minced meat? Do I really think I should continue to try to help in hopes she will get it? Maybe a part of each question holds the answer.
One thing that I absolutely hate is being lied to. This friend must think I am too stupid to breathe. And therein lies the key. When someone lies to me it makes me feel like they think I am stupid enough to believe what I am being told. I have been through enough in life to know when I am being lied to. Don't underestimate me! I am far from stupid and better people have tried to pull the wool over my eyes. I have let it go and not said much but today it STOPS!!
This person has changed over the past couple of months and I had hoped I was wrong. I don't think that is the case. She has changed, she is being played and there is nothing I can do. I hate to see it but I can only be responsible for me. She makes choices and she will reap what she sows. My trust is gone and I really have no interest in trying to salvage it. Not only did she not keep her word to me I stuck my neck out for her and she has not kept her word to others that tried to help her too.
I cannot afford to feel badly and keep putting good intentions into this friendship. I need to cut my looses and put my energy back into positive, caring and mutual respect relationships.
I want friendships that grow and feel right. Ones that have give and take. A relationship where truth is ALWAYS a first priority. I want what I am feeling to be of equal importantence and not just have someone pretend to believe in me to get what they want out of me. Friends should be extending family. I thought this friend was.
But you know what....I will be fine, she will be just fine and it is probably best for both of us to call it a day. She has disappointed me for the last time and I am sure she will be glad to have it over as well. She obviously has very little if any respect for me or she would not have treated our friendship as she has been.
Life is good, there will be other friendships. Today I am okay with this decision. I am gonna live...and I am gonna live life MY way and so is she...Good luck.
