After 2 days of crying and sleeping and crying some more I see that the world is still here. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I'm sure somewhere someone is actually smiling.
As for me....well I have survived. Survived a hellish nightmare of my own making. Overreacting as usual, losing my mind when I would have been much better off keeping control of it and acting like a total and complete ass!
Reading between the lines, assuming, and looking into the future in my not so shiny crystal ball brought me to the point of total and utter ridiculousness! Ugly, threatening, nasty, words all spouted by ME! All because I didn't get my way! Really Judi, how old are you? How long have you played this game?
I presented myself as a total lunatic! And why? Because I have not wanted to ask questions that I have every right to know the answer to. I have not let my feelings be known on all levels. I have not wanted to make waves. I am assuming and he is doing the same. Yes that's healthy. Where is the communication that I so proudly claim I am so good at? Where are the boundaries that I plead with others to set and follow? Where is any independence on my part? Somewhere inside me in some unrecognizable place I suppose.
I am pretty sure I am wearing blinders, because that is what I chose to do still. And I am well aware that I am risking being hurt in a big way, but right now I don't care. Now I have to prove to both of us that I am not a wild, crazy woman who blows her top and is in need of a straight jacket, over some little thing.
I apologize to my man, I am sorry for acting like a crazy, spoiled, assuming bitch. We will talk this out and you will see I will keep my word.
Everyone tells me how strong I am, how I can get through anything, and by god I am! There is good in people, love to be had, and worlds of wonder to experience,
Life is good, I will live it.....even if not everything is golden at this point it's worth living to the max!!! Look out world here I come!!!
