My entire trip has been much different than I had envisioned. I have come to see in the grand scheme of things I am merely a ripple in the grand sea of life. Ripples don't necessarily make changes in the water the way waves do. They simply move on through the water to their destination. Often unnoticed these ripples sometimes carry bits and pieces of life remnants with them. It's not until these ripples join together at the end of a journey can one see the beauty each experience has contributed to the adventure of life.
My adventures are far from over and I hope that the truths I have discovered on this leg of my journey will serve me well. To remind me how precious my loved ones are to me, how important it is to show kindness and consideration in words and deed, and how to share the enormous love I have in my heart and soul. Not everyone is accepting, not everyone is capable, and certainly not everyone wants to be embraced by light in the same manner that's what makes us unique.
As I move forward in my life it is my hope that those I come in contact with get a sense of how much I love and care about them. I may not change their lives like a crashing wave but I hope my ripples enhance their life experiences.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Happy 25th Anniversary Matthew
How is it possible that Matthew has been gone for 5 years? The time has flew at times and dragged at other times. The memories are still crystal clear and strong. The pain has faded but still comes, especially with special occasions. This year would have brought our silver anniversary. An anniversary that had looked forward to and talked about and made plans for.
It's funny how my sub conscience knew before my mind grasped the fact that our anniversary was coming. For days I had felt out of sorts and emotional, then it dawned on me...
I find solace in writing to Matthew. I find it therapeutic to share my thoughts hoping my words find their way to a heart that needs to read them. I have faith that my dear sweet Matthew sees them and they make his heart smile as thoughts of him certainly make my heart smile. I wrote this message to my dear husband this morning.
Oh Matthew, the last few days a flood of memories have replayed through my mind. Twenty five years! Today we would have been married 25years! Our Silver Wedding Anniversary was to be such a special occasion. We had Hawaii in out sights remember. We talked about our children pooling together and sending us off in grand style, okay, I'm sure that part was a stretch, but nonetheless our plans included a romantic Hawaiian getaway.
Our plans.....my how things change. Our plans were to grow old together, to travel the country and visit our children and grandchildren as much as we wanted, to nap any time we wanted and to love each other forever.
This morning as remember you I can't help the tears that slide down my cheeks. I can't help but mourn the fact that our story never had the fairy tale ending that we dreamed of. But our story isn't over. Our love story lives on in what we leave behind. We created life together, we created memories together and we created a legacy for those we love and care about.
When I look at our children I see you. I remember your proud loving face as you instantly fell in love with our sons. I remember you lovingly caring for them. I remember you cradling David as we walked the floor, both of us crying, when he suffered with night terrors. I remember your vigilance when we had to do blood sugars on Daniel all through the night. I remember all the selfless sacrifices you made for our family Matthew.
I was incredibly fortunate to have had you as my husband Beebers! The unconditional love you showered me with was an amazing gift. You took a woman that had been badly bruised by the harshness of life and you showed her that love could indeed be beautiful. You taught me to trust again. I remember you asking me, "do you trust me?" And I did.
Happy Anniversary my special angel! 💜💖
I miss you Matthew, I miss what we had. I love you still, always will. At the end of the day our love story was as it was supposed to be.
It's funny how my sub conscience knew before my mind grasped the fact that our anniversary was coming. For days I had felt out of sorts and emotional, then it dawned on me...
I find solace in writing to Matthew. I find it therapeutic to share my thoughts hoping my words find their way to a heart that needs to read them. I have faith that my dear sweet Matthew sees them and they make his heart smile as thoughts of him certainly make my heart smile. I wrote this message to my dear husband this morning.
Oh Matthew, the last few days a flood of memories have replayed through my mind. Twenty five years! Today we would have been married 25years! Our Silver Wedding Anniversary was to be such a special occasion. We had Hawaii in out sights remember. We talked about our children pooling together and sending us off in grand style, okay, I'm sure that part was a stretch, but nonetheless our plans included a romantic Hawaiian getaway.
Our plans.....my how things change. Our plans were to grow old together, to travel the country and visit our children and grandchildren as much as we wanted, to nap any time we wanted and to love each other forever.
This morning as remember you I can't help the tears that slide down my cheeks. I can't help but mourn the fact that our story never had the fairy tale ending that we dreamed of. But our story isn't over. Our love story lives on in what we leave behind. We created life together, we created memories together and we created a legacy for those we love and care about.
When I look at our children I see you. I remember your proud loving face as you instantly fell in love with our sons. I remember you lovingly caring for them. I remember you cradling David as we walked the floor, both of us crying, when he suffered with night terrors. I remember your vigilance when we had to do blood sugars on Daniel all through the night. I remember all the selfless sacrifices you made for our family Matthew.
I was incredibly fortunate to have had you as my husband Beebers! The unconditional love you showered me with was an amazing gift. You took a woman that had been badly bruised by the harshness of life and you showed her that love could indeed be beautiful. You taught me to trust again. I remember you asking me, "do you trust me?" And I did.
Happy Anniversary my special angel! 💜💖
I miss you Matthew, I miss what we had. I love you still, always will. At the end of the day our love story was as it was supposed to be.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Today Is A New Day
As I sit here this morning along side my sweet David I am reminded of simple things. Simple things we often take for granted. Simple things that might sound dull or boring to others when shared. I love the simple things with him. Even the simple things are comforting and exciting at the same time. Right now we are both on our laptops, he is reading articles to help me better understand my new chrome book and android and I am writing about him. Both pursuing our interests but sharing the same space. Just being next to him makes everything sweeter. Looking up and watching him scroll through the articles he is browsing makes me smile. Reaching out and touching his hand brings such pleasure. Talking quietly about technology is rewarding to my heart. Even when silent we are sharing our existence. We are both very aware of the other. We have both come to the conclusion that our world is a better place with the other being a part of it. The feeling of awe in my spirit makes me giddy. The completeness I feel with him next to me is indescribable. How did I get so lucky?
Everyday is special because we experience things anew! What do I mean by that? When I got up this morning, as I do every morning, it was the first time I ever woke up on this date, Tuesday July 7, 2015. It's the first time I lived on this date and in essences every single thing I do today will be new to this day! So if I don't take things for granted everything can be new and exciting! I can see things with new eyes. Experience things from a new prospective and appreciate things I didn't appreciate yesterday.
I am excited that I get to spend several days with my wonderful man and I can tell you, I plan to make the most of it. I plan to be appreciative of him and his kindnesses, I plan to show kindness and love at every opportunity. I plan to make sweet memories and enjoy every moment we share. It is the first time we have shared THIS day together. I am so very thankful to have the opportunity to show him how special and important he is to me. I am grateful to be able to spend this time with him. And I am extremely lucky to have him in my life!! And you know what? He is extremely lucky to have me too! We are a good fit and balance each other out very well. We are beyond lucky to have found each other and we both are very aware of that fact! We reached an agreement early on in our relationship that I would teach him to fly and he would teach me to touch down safely. And that works for us.
Today I will live my life to the fullest and I will share my dreams and love with this wonderful man! Life is so good and I am so happy that I get to live it with David by my side. I am happy to share him with my family and friends. I am flying high and know that when I'm ready to land I will be safely directed in for a smooth landing by my rock of a man! Life is good...live it and love it!!!!
Everyday is special because we experience things anew! What do I mean by that? When I got up this morning, as I do every morning, it was the first time I ever woke up on this date, Tuesday July 7, 2015. It's the first time I lived on this date and in essences every single thing I do today will be new to this day! So if I don't take things for granted everything can be new and exciting! I can see things with new eyes. Experience things from a new prospective and appreciate things I didn't appreciate yesterday.
I am excited that I get to spend several days with my wonderful man and I can tell you, I plan to make the most of it. I plan to be appreciative of him and his kindnesses, I plan to show kindness and love at every opportunity. I plan to make sweet memories and enjoy every moment we share. It is the first time we have shared THIS day together. I am so very thankful to have the opportunity to show him how special and important he is to me. I am grateful to be able to spend this time with him. And I am extremely lucky to have him in my life!! And you know what? He is extremely lucky to have me too! We are a good fit and balance each other out very well. We are beyond lucky to have found each other and we both are very aware of that fact! We reached an agreement early on in our relationship that I would teach him to fly and he would teach me to touch down safely. And that works for us.
Today I will live my life to the fullest and I will share my dreams and love with this wonderful man! Life is so good and I am so happy that I get to live it with David by my side. I am happy to share him with my family and friends. I am flying high and know that when I'm ready to land I will be safely directed in for a smooth landing by my rock of a man! Life is good...live it and love it!!!!
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Owning Up
Today I am thinking about people in general and our inability to own up to our shortcomings and mistakes.
We are so quick to place blame and make excuses for our actions. We readily see the flaws in others and have very little compassion for the transgressions of others, even when we have been in the exact same place.
I wonder how we can look into the mirror at our own reflection and take ourselves so seriously knowing who we really are?
Most of know we are not perfect. Most of us accept that we have made, and will probably continue to make, mistakes, bad choices and exercise poor judgement. A lot, if not all of us, minimize this. Many of us sit in judgement of those we see struggling to get through life with some dignity, muddling through mistakes and mishaps. When we remember we have struggled, we have made mistakes, and we are far from perfect we can soften our heart and find compassion. If we constantly place blame and find fault with everyone but ourselves however, peace will indeed be illusive.
Particularly in a relationship, be it a romantic, friendship, co workers or even neighbors, finger pointing, and blame placing are such negative aspects that the relationship can be totally ripped apart and repair can be difficult if not impossible. All because of that mentality of "what you did was so much worse than what I did". Own it! For crying out loud we cannot run away from our responsibility of self. Others see and know we are not perfect, why can we not accept that ourselves? Bitterness and unhappiness are killers of joy and peace. Looking for others to blame for your circumstances and failures will eat you alive.
In short I want to accept my shortcomings, strive to be a better person and love myself. I want to not be judgmental and know when to walk away from toxic relationships. I want to care without being taken advantage of. I want to go to bed at night thinking, "I have enjoyed my life today and I did it my way without judgement and I'm happy".
I have finally realize that indeed all things have a season and sometimes things end and its okay. Other things move into our lives and bring new ideas, situations and experiences. Moving forward often is painful, but it is so very rewarding.
The first step in any journey is knowing where we want to go and who we want to be. We must own our feelings and our mistakes. That's how we grown. We need to like what we see in the mirror. If we don't like what we see in our own skin it will be very hard to like anyone else.
I have learned so much about myself over the past few years. I have come to have a respect for myself that I never had before. I like it. I like feeling a little more in control of my feelings, my future. I am truly living my life my way and I am loving it!
We are so quick to place blame and make excuses for our actions. We readily see the flaws in others and have very little compassion for the transgressions of others, even when we have been in the exact same place.
I wonder how we can look into the mirror at our own reflection and take ourselves so seriously knowing who we really are?
Most of know we are not perfect. Most of us accept that we have made, and will probably continue to make, mistakes, bad choices and exercise poor judgement. A lot, if not all of us, minimize this. Many of us sit in judgement of those we see struggling to get through life with some dignity, muddling through mistakes and mishaps. When we remember we have struggled, we have made mistakes, and we are far from perfect we can soften our heart and find compassion. If we constantly place blame and find fault with everyone but ourselves however, peace will indeed be illusive.
Particularly in a relationship, be it a romantic, friendship, co workers or even neighbors, finger pointing, and blame placing are such negative aspects that the relationship can be totally ripped apart and repair can be difficult if not impossible. All because of that mentality of "what you did was so much worse than what I did". Own it! For crying out loud we cannot run away from our responsibility of self. Others see and know we are not perfect, why can we not accept that ourselves? Bitterness and unhappiness are killers of joy and peace. Looking for others to blame for your circumstances and failures will eat you alive.
In short I want to accept my shortcomings, strive to be a better person and love myself. I want to not be judgmental and know when to walk away from toxic relationships. I want to care without being taken advantage of. I want to go to bed at night thinking, "I have enjoyed my life today and I did it my way without judgement and I'm happy".
I have finally realize that indeed all things have a season and sometimes things end and its okay. Other things move into our lives and bring new ideas, situations and experiences. Moving forward often is painful, but it is so very rewarding.
The first step in any journey is knowing where we want to go and who we want to be. We must own our feelings and our mistakes. That's how we grown. We need to like what we see in the mirror. If we don't like what we see in our own skin it will be very hard to like anyone else.
I have learned so much about myself over the past few years. I have come to have a respect for myself that I never had before. I like it. I like feeling a little more in control of my feelings, my future. I am truly living my life my way and I am loving it!
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