How is it possible that Matthew has been gone for 5 years? The time has flew at times and dragged at other times. The memories are still crystal clear and strong. The pain has faded but still comes, especially with special occasions. This year would have brought our silver anniversary. An anniversary that had looked forward to and talked about and made plans for.
It's funny how my sub conscience knew before my mind grasped the fact that our anniversary was coming. For days I had felt out of sorts and emotional, then it dawned on me...
I find solace in writing to Matthew. I find it therapeutic to share my thoughts hoping my words find their way to a heart that needs to read them. I have faith that my dear sweet Matthew sees them and they make his heart smile as thoughts of him certainly make my heart smile. I wrote this message to my dear husband this morning.
Oh Matthew, the last few days a flood of memories have replayed through my mind. Twenty five years! Today we would have been married 25years! Our Silver Wedding Anniversary was to be such a special occasion. We had Hawaii in out sights remember. We talked about our children pooling together and sending us off in grand style, okay, I'm sure that part was a stretch, but nonetheless our plans included a romantic Hawaiian getaway.
Our plans.....my how things change. Our plans were to grow old together, to travel the country and visit our children and grandchildren as much as we wanted, to nap any time we wanted and to love each other forever.
This morning as remember you I can't help the tears that slide down my cheeks. I can't help but mourn the fact that our story never had the fairy tale ending that we dreamed of. But our story isn't over. Our love story lives on in what we leave behind. We created life together, we created memories together and we created a legacy for those we love and care about.
When I look at our children I see you. I remember your proud loving face as you instantly fell in love with our sons. I remember you lovingly caring for them. I remember you cradling David as we walked the floor, both of us crying, when he suffered with night terrors. I remember your vigilance when we had to do blood sugars on Daniel all through the night. I remember all the selfless sacrifices you made for our family Matthew.
I was incredibly fortunate to have had you as my husband Beebers! The unconditional love you showered me with was an amazing gift. You took a woman that had been badly bruised by the harshness of life and you showed her that love could indeed be beautiful. You taught me to trust again. I remember you asking me, "do you trust me?" And I did.
Happy Anniversary my special angel! 💜💖
I miss you Matthew, I miss what we had. I love you still, always will. At the end of the day our love story was as it was supposed to be.
