At times my days are gray. Looks like today may be one of those, literally and figuratively. Days when nothing tastes as good, nothing smells as sweet and things just feel a bit out of kilter. Why must I have days like this?
I have heard it said that if we didn't have the bad we would not fully recognize the good. Mmmmmm. Okay, that makes a little sense I guess.
What makes a gray day? I find loneliness turns my world colorless in about 3 seconds. I am not always lonely for the same things however. Sometimes I am missing a certain person. Sometimes I long for a place or time and on occasion I am void of a particular feeling that creates a hole in my being.
Today I am jumping ahead of myself in time. I am thinking about tomorrow and the people I no longer have in my life to share Father's Day with. I, who had so many father figures in my life, now have no one to share the day with. But I have forgotten that my memory does indeed serve me well and if I look there I am not alone at all. In June 2009 I wrote something that I want to bring back into my memory: The other day I realized that I am indeed fortunate to have had not just
one, but 4 Daddy's in my life. Each one gave of themselves to my
legacy. Each one gave me a unique gift. Each one gave me love and
hope. Although they are all gone now I possess memories that will
forever be shared between them and me. I miss them so, especially on
the day we are to honor our Daddy. With this in mind I honor the memory
of my wonderful Grandaddy, Charles R Wellborn Sr, for stepping up to
the plate to be my Daddy when I was so young. Uncle Gordon, you were so
much fun and I love you so. My fantastic step father, DeLane Terral,
you were the best, and I miss your stories so much. And to my knight, my
father, Charles R Wellborn Jr, I wish I could look up and see you coming
across the yard one more time, I miss you Daddy. These men filled the
shoes of Daddy. These men are admired and missed. These men, my
Daddys, I love you so.
To this I have to add that I am saddened that my boys will not have their Daddy for the day either. I feel their heartbreak, their sadness and it hurts me deeply. I know how much they miss him, how much I miss him and how wrong it all feels. We were indeed blessed to have had him in our lives. He so loved us and we so loved him!
I know sometimes I have to be my own rescuer and pull myself out of my funks. And I also know that sometimes I must wallow. And that is okay as long as I know when enough is enough. I am so grateful that I am at a place today where I have sense enough to reach inside my self and pull out the good memories and not dwell in my loss.
Life is so good!! Live it!!!
