This last couple of months have been extremely difficult for me Matthew. You know what a baby I am and how much I need to have someone to care for and spoil. You know I was never cut out to be alone and it has been so hard. I thought you had sent me someone. I thought I would not have to see the holidays, your birthday and your passing anniversary alone this year, but I guess I was wrong. I will tell you that having someone even for that brief period made my heart lighter, and then losing him made me miss you and what we had so much more. I want that again, I know I am blessed to have had you and our story was a true love story but baby I am so lonely. I miss you every day and every night. I miss that feeling of being loved and cherished. You were so great at letting me know how much I meant to you. You were so loving and understanding and giving. Do you even know how much you meant to me. Did I tell you enough and show you enough how much I loved you? Because you did me. You told me, you showed over and over again how much you loved me!
Baby what I wouldn't give to have you here with me right now so I could tell you happy birthday. So I could hold you in my empty arms and smother you with kisses. To see you smile and hear you call my name. To feel your touch on my cheek, your breath on my face your lips on mine would be sheer heaven.
I'm trying sweetheart, and I know I will survive, but I want to do more than just survive. I want to be happy again and find love again and I know that you want that for me too. I am asking you to give me a gift on your birthday, please let me know that you are still watching over me. Let me know that you still love me and want me to be happy and fulfilled again. I am so lost tonight, so grieving for you sweet Matthew. Tomorrow you will surely be on my mind throughout the day. Tomorrow I will sing to you and celebrate the years I did have you. I love you Matthew now and always. You are always in my heart. I'll see ya baby....xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo.
