Last night I attended the wedding of a couple near and dear to my heart. While getting ready to go I thought for a long moment about marriage and relationships. About how when we first fall in love we can't get enough of that special person and how hard we work to make them happy. I thought about the movie "Fire Proof" and the wisdom that film imparted.
Knowing that the person is only ours for a brief time should make it easier to give wholly of ourselves. But it doesn't always happen like that.
The man I am seeing and have been seeing for over 2 years has limited time to be with me. So each time we are together we fully and completely make the most of our time. We know our time is short and precious and that makes every moment special. We want to bypass the petty arguments and put our best foot forward to make the other see how much we missed them and appreciate even the little things we do for each other.
Why then, when we are in a full time relationship, do we not act the same way? Why do we not love who they are and strive to make things as good as they can possibly be whenever we are together. Who says you have to fight and be right. If we focus on making them happy, making them the center of our attention and they do the same it is a win win situation.
Even in marriage or a long term relationship they are only ours for a little while. Any moment they could be gone. I know this all too well. I am happiest when I am making him happy. Isn't that my choice?
It's not about the things you have, the things you are spending money on, the places you go or even the company you keep. It's about TWO people who love each other, who want to spend time together and get the most out of it!
I am not totally crazy and do know that things happen to throw you for a loop, to question not only why you are with this person but also why you even exist. These are temporary stumbling blocks that can be overcome. You look at the bigger picture, you look at what this person has brought into your life. NO ONE but the two people involved know the real, complete story. And even they have no clue at the ending. Will she be taken tomorrow? Well he be taken the next day?
It is too easy to give up. To easy to say, "this isn't working out so let's end it". Yes when it's over sometimes it's over. Hopefully when that time comes you both know it and realize it's for the best. The work wasn't done and they grew apart. They forgot to try their best to make the other happy first and foremost. Some people are not equipped to always put their partner first and to experience being put first. For some people it is very hard for them to grasp that concept, for others it is easy. Some cannot understand what it means to be put first. Some are patient and can wait. Some feel the need to always be in control, never wanting to relinquish that power to the other. Not trusting them enough to do what's right or what they want.
It's a matter of what you want. Of what your heart cannot live without. I know that I can only control me, and not always very well. But I am working on doing exactly what I am talking about here. Why? Because that's what makes me happy. Totally making him happy is what makes sense in my life. It's what makes me get up in the morning with a smile on my lips. In the end I do get what I deserve. Even if only briefly I will embrace it and know that he's only mine temporarily anyway. We don't have ownership, we are sharing. I would rather be with him for an hour than have someone in my life full time who is only here part time anyway.
I know I am rambling, a lot on my mind this morning. I understand me better than most people think I do, I know what I need, what I want and what it takes to keep me putting one foot in front of the other. Yes there are probably other men out there that could make me happy and that I could make happy. But this is who came into my life, they say everything happens for a reason? Somethings are meant to be. So why can't that be true for me? This whole thing has happened for a reason, maybe to better me...maybe to better him...maybe to make each other happier than either of us have ever been? It's up to me and him to figure it out. And we will. Of this I am confident. And if I'm wrong, which I have been known to be, I am following my heart, living my life and I will continue to do so. Life is good!!!!! And I have every intention of making it even better.
