Not possible!! We can only please ourselves! I know this first hand. No matter how much we give, others just take, take, and take.
I gave my heart, my love, my all and got NOTHING in return. Unless you call a broken heart and absolutely no self esteem left something. Who does this?
I am gasping for breath as I write this. I don't know what the morning will bring.....I wish it were death but I know I won't try that again. I promised, not only myself, but all those that I hold dear to my heart. But I have to admit it would be better than this!
Why, why do we put all of our hope and dreams into one person? Why do we trust ANYONE with our heats? What the fuck are we trying to prove?
I am devastated.
I didn't write on 6/22 because I was troubled and nothing came to me. I was blinded by something I thought was promised to me. I thought my life was good and someone loved me and needed me. But I was wrong, yes ME, I was wrong. I had my eyes opened and now I HATE what I see. I see that I was used in the worst possible way! Something that I thought I gave freely was abused and turned into something awful and tarnished. Someone I totally trusted and loved was not only untrustworthy, but also a selfish monster.
You see I was in love. Feel in love months ago. And he is married. Safely married. He offers nothing....she takes nothing. I gave EVERYTHING! He had the best of both worlds, I, as it turns out had nothing.
Do I show him for what he is, or do I learn a lesson and turn away and leave his world in tact? I want to destroy him, to hurt him as he hurt me. But I can't. I know a lot of people are going to say "I told you so". I don't want to hear it. I can't bear it. I am a fool. A stupid naive fool.
Trust NO ONE, believe NO ONE, love NO ONE! Now I am left alone, knowing I made another HUGE mistake. Not caring whether I live or die. Not wanting tomorrow to come. And who do I blame...ME!! I thought I was pleasing myself....I thought I was pleasing HIM.....
But in the end I have to believe life is good....let me find it...let me live it....oh please.....
