The search for peace is long, perplexing and tiring! It seems the more you seek it the more it eludes you. Maybe I don't know what peace really is? Maybe I have no clue what I am looking for?!
Sometimes when I am really bored I find myself asking, "Is the peace?" Cause if it is...maybe I'm in the wrong place. So right here and now perhaps I should define my idea of peace.....ummmmmm.
In my minds eye, and I have to be careful here, peace is living with others, exhibiting kindness and respect. It is not having unwanted, heart breaking experiences every time you turn around. Pleasant surprises are welcome however. Peace is knowing that you are loved and cared about, feeling in control of your own destiny, and knowing what it is that brings you to the place of contentment. Wow, having just read what I have written no wonder I am struggling with this pursuit.
I have a dear and beautiful friend that is so center,most of the time, forgive me friend. I envy her sometimes, not included in finding peace 101. She has shared with me ways to find my center and not depend on others to meet my needs. And I know this is the key. I know I need to self soothe so to speak. I will never find true peace if I am at odds with myself. Now comes the question I dread....am I at odds with myself. Oh yeah....I sure am...lol. Over many things, and most of the things are little insignificant things. What to do about these things now that I realize I am my own problem....??
Starting with an inventory is a pretty good place to start. What are some of the things that block my obtaining peace? I would love to just say chaos and end it there...but it is NOT that simple...whose chaos? MINE.
I am not going to make my inventory here but I am going to sit down and take one. It's like cleaning out my closet when things don't fit anymore. I have things in my life that just don't fit my lifestyle any longer. I need to get rid of them. Things like guilt, what purpose does that serve? Blocks my peace. Things like wanting control over things I cannot control, blocks my peace. I know I can only control myself. Like wishing this or that were different, if I want them different change myself.
My search for peace will continue until I succeed! Why? Because this is the rest of my life. I want it to be good! I want to live it!!
