Today as I prepare to attend the funeral of my dear dear friends 17 year old daughter I am thinking a lot about death and the choices we make.
I try in my own way to make some sort of sense out of it. My brain searches for wisdom and understanding. My heart screams out the injustice and my pain reminds me how vulnerable we all are.
Last week the beautiful you woman was alive and vibrant and happy. She loved and was loved in returned. She had her whole life ahead of her. Today we will mourn her passing, weep tears of loss and miss her with all of our being. A family will be ripped apart, dreams shattered and life will never be the same. The void left behind will consume us and the questions will never be answered.
My heart breaks for my friend. I am constantly thinking about what I can do to help. I know anything I do will be temporary, a bandaid on her broken soul. I know that in a matter of weeks most peoples lives will go on the same as before but hers will NEVER be the same. I remember thinking as life returned to normal for those that had surrounded me when Matthew died how unfair it was. I was angry that they had a life to return, a family in tact. How could they all go back to a normal life while mine was gone?!
I hope with all that I have to be there for my friend every single time she needs me. I hope I can give her what she needs. I hope she knows how much I love her and care about her.
People wake up. Life happens, it changes it throws it curves that we are ill-equipped to handle. Let's be there for each other, lets LIVE each and everyday, let's let each other know how important they are in our lives.
I hurt for my friend, I realize how it could have been my son, I realize how fragile life is.
Life is fleeting, life is good, and we need to live it while we can!
This was originally written on Sept 27, 2012 but went unpublished until Oct 10, 2010.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
If It Ain't Broke....Don't Fix It
I have learned an important point in acceptance! When we meet a person we either like or dislike them. If we like them there are certain traits that draw us to them. Why then do we try to change them? Why do we expect more from them than they can give? Why do we expect them to be something they are not?
If I painted my room green, why would I expect it to be purple? If I cooked cabbage why would I expect it to smell like beef stew? If I made friends with someone born and bred in England why would I expect them to speak with an Italian accent? I wouldn't.
Yet once we get into a relationship with a person, be it friend, lover or even a co-worker we seem to forget about what it was that we liked about that person and focus more on how we can change them.
Okay I liked you right off the bat because you made me laugh and tell it like it is. BUT....I wish you would sugar coat when you talk about me. Therefore you are asking them to change for you.
You told me you have issues with trust and keeping secrets. BUT....I am going to tell you a secret please keep it. And when they tell we are surprise!!! Really? Did you think they would change?
I fall for a guy who is not openly affectionate. We are out and I want to sit close and have him put is arm around me and hold me close. I get more than a little angry thinking in my head that he is embarrassed to be seen with me and doesn't really care, blah, blah, blah. Now didn't I already KNOW that he wasn't going to do that?
Sometimes it is extremely important to define your terms. For instance, if I say I have a "little" money I may have $10.00 to someone else a "little" money may be $100.00. If I want to spend some time with you I may be talking about a day or two. You may think I mean an hour or two. Sets us up for misunderstanding and unmet expectations.
I am looking for a long term relationship. Why then would I get into a relationship with a married man? Why would I expect him to leave his wife and join me in happily ever after?
I want to travel and enjoy life! Why then would I chose a boyfriend who hates to travel and his idea of a good time is mowing the lawn?
Do I really think I have the power to change any of the above situations. Should I even want to change a person. They are who they are just as I am who I am.
I want to accept each person who comes into my life for WHO they are. I don't want to try and change ANYONE. If we have differences that should do nothing more than enhance the relationship. Sure I can LOVE their strong points but if I can't handle there weak points that is MY problem. Why try to make them see things MY way. That's what makes them who they are.
The people I love in my life are all FAR from perfect, would I love them if they were perfect, probably NOT. That would only serve to show me how imperfect I am (as if I didn't already know that).
Live and let live! No more unsolicited advice. No more shock when people don't meet my expectations. No judgement. Acceptance of who they are!!
After all it is their life....they are free to live it their way. Just as it is my life and I am going to live it MY way! Life is good!!
If I painted my room green, why would I expect it to be purple? If I cooked cabbage why would I expect it to smell like beef stew? If I made friends with someone born and bred in England why would I expect them to speak with an Italian accent? I wouldn't.
Yet once we get into a relationship with a person, be it friend, lover or even a co-worker we seem to forget about what it was that we liked about that person and focus more on how we can change them.
Okay I liked you right off the bat because you made me laugh and tell it like it is. BUT....I wish you would sugar coat when you talk about me. Therefore you are asking them to change for you.
You told me you have issues with trust and keeping secrets. BUT....I am going to tell you a secret please keep it. And when they tell we are surprise!!! Really? Did you think they would change?
I fall for a guy who is not openly affectionate. We are out and I want to sit close and have him put is arm around me and hold me close. I get more than a little angry thinking in my head that he is embarrassed to be seen with me and doesn't really care, blah, blah, blah. Now didn't I already KNOW that he wasn't going to do that?
Sometimes it is extremely important to define your terms. For instance, if I say I have a "little" money I may have $10.00 to someone else a "little" money may be $100.00. If I want to spend some time with you I may be talking about a day or two. You may think I mean an hour or two. Sets us up for misunderstanding and unmet expectations.
I am looking for a long term relationship. Why then would I get into a relationship with a married man? Why would I expect him to leave his wife and join me in happily ever after?
I want to travel and enjoy life! Why then would I chose a boyfriend who hates to travel and his idea of a good time is mowing the lawn?
Do I really think I have the power to change any of the above situations. Should I even want to change a person. They are who they are just as I am who I am.
I want to accept each person who comes into my life for WHO they are. I don't want to try and change ANYONE. If we have differences that should do nothing more than enhance the relationship. Sure I can LOVE their strong points but if I can't handle there weak points that is MY problem. Why try to make them see things MY way. That's what makes them who they are.
The people I love in my life are all FAR from perfect, would I love them if they were perfect, probably NOT. That would only serve to show me how imperfect I am (as if I didn't already know that).
Live and let live! No more unsolicited advice. No more shock when people don't meet my expectations. No judgement. Acceptance of who they are!!
After all it is their life....they are free to live it their way. Just as it is my life and I am going to live it MY way! Life is good!!
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