Oh boy, talk about wallow?! Yesterday was the day for it! Sometimes holidays just plan suck! And yesterday brought out the poor pitiful me in an enormous way! No one could have possibly been wronged more than I yesterday. I have the fat puffy eyes to prove it!
I woke up thinking I had it by the tail. I had already written about my father figures and had dealt with so it was all good....WRONG!
Does the term 'abandonment issues' ring a bell? How dare these wonderful men who meant so much to my heart and soul just up and die on ME! And I am reasonably sure they did it just to hurt ME! Let's forget the fact that maybe they weren't quite ready to leave this world, maybe they didn't go out in the fashion they wanted. Maybe they weren't finished with what they thought they had to do. Selfish? ME? Couldn't be! After all it was me sitting here crying all day long, missing their arms and their stories. Feeling alone and so very wronged I longed for more time with each and every one of them. I had been short changed!
Would my Daddy's be happy with my actions, my frame of mind? Would they look down and say "Look at Judi, she's so strong". Ahhhh NO! At least one of them would have said I was acting like a titty baby!! Another might have mentioned something about a spoiled brat and Matt's words I'm pretty sure would have been "whinny cat". Grandaddy might have let me get away with it!! LOL
So here's the deal. I allowed myself to wallow. I finally had had enough and took my anxiety medicine (gee that is what they are for right?). Made myself get dress and out of the apartment. I did it....I rescued myself! Today I am feeling a little foolish. A little drama queenish if you will. But that was yesterday, and today is a new day.
Ahhhh life IS good! Live it!!!!
