I have received invitations to everything from Tupperware parties, to baby showers and everything in between. I consider myself to be very social and usually love attending these get-togethers to visit and see what's new. When you are alone under circumstances not under your control the rules of accepting invitations is a whole new ballgame.
When I receive an invitation it might seem a great idea to attend a gathering. If it is an event of primarily women there is a better chance I will actually attend. If it is more of a couples outing you can be pretty sure I will not show. And if it is something that Matt and I attended together or would have done together it will completely throw me into a tailspin!
Unsuspecting friends have extended invitations to things and I will say "Oh yes I would love to come." And I mean it when I say it, I really do. But later when I think it through I have trouble following through. For instances I have some lovely friends who Matthew and I did a lot of things with. We used to play games at each others houses, go out to dinner, have parties in our homes, go on outings and fish with them. I love these people! When I returned to WI from TX they invited me to several kids parties and I had every intention of going. I was asked to their home, I wanted to go. But I never made it. Finally a new member of their family invited me to a 1st birthday party for her child and I agreed to attend. RVSP and the whole nine yards. The day of the party I had a melt down. I had to take anti-anxiety medicine to get my crying self out of the door.
Once there I relaxed, thanks meds, and totally enjoyed myself. I watched the children wishing I had been around them more making a mental note to see to that that happens (and it hasn't). And then it came to me. I didn't want to be around these people because Matthew wasn't with me. I had a huge void and it felt awful! I wondered if I had hurt their feelings by not coming around and always being a no show. I still have not gone to them and told them that that is why I was avoiding them. I love them and wouldn't want to hurt them and know they would understand. It's just hard to put into words to them. I WILL do this.
So to anyone who has invited me to anything and I've not come or been less than a gracious guest I am so sorry. I have learned to say when invited to things now that I appreciate the invite and if I am able to I will be there. Because it may sound good right now but by the time it arrives I am in a different place and it doesn't sound like something I can do right now. Please understand that I am okay when I don't come to your party or event. I am just being ME.
Life IS good! And I am living it MY way!
