I Don't Know

I don't seem to know much these days. I find myself frustrated with life, with people, with myself and am not even certain why? Health wise I am great, I am eating healthy and losing weight but don't seem to be too motivated to workout or even walk like I used to. I find myself spending most of my time alone, going out alone and actually enjoying it. I have no patience for drama or those who bring it. I feel like I am fed up with the status quo. 

I know I have made a lot of changes in my life, some are good, but perhaps others are not. I can't explain myself. I know I need, or at least want, to make some changes, I know I want certain things to happen in my life, I just am not sure what to do to implement these changes. 

I feel I know myself better now than I ever have and I'm puzzled by some of the things I have discovered about myself. I don't know if I've evolved or have simply been hiding some truths about myself so well I didn't even know them. Paradigm shifts have taken place that I never saw coming. 

This thing called "life" is so complicated. I know I tend to overthink things at times. I know other times I don't think. I want to hit that happy medium and be more confident in my decisions.  

I need to balance my wants and my needs. They are, after all, 2 entirely different things. I of course, like everyone else, would like my needs to be met. I would like my wants to be realistic and achievable. 

I again must remind myself that I can control only myself, and sometimes that is a challenge. I need to stop setting myself up for failure. I need to surround myself with positive and walk away from negative. I need to be kind and caring without being used and taken for granted. I need to take risks to discover my own happiness.

My own company is getting better. My reasoning is taking on new dimensions, allowing my to see more than one scenario before me. I have found that I have enough empathy to be able to put myself in another's shoes and for the first time see why they don't see things my way. My way is not always the only way or the right way, something I have always said but maybe didn't fully believe? Is compromise something that I need to work on? Where is the line between compromise and giving in to the point where one feels used, abused or fooled?

Well, what I do know today is the sun is shining. It's bitter cold outside, but here inside with my little granddaughter who never ceases to make me smile and gives me unconditional trust and love, it's warm and comfortable. And for today that's all I need. I can't solve all my issues and change in one day. I am a work in progress. I am who I am and if I change or evolve I will still be me, have my heart, feel my feelings and move forward, even if just an inch at a time. 

I'm up for the challenge. I accept my journey, I will continue to learn, to change and to live my life. I am my partner for life and need to be comfortable in my own skin. This is my life, I'm doing in my way and I'll not give up until I get it right!