I received news today of yet another classmate passing away. This woman was a vibrant, fun loving woman who within the past few months went skydiving! And in the blink of an eye she is gone.
In the blink of an eye her family's world is turned upside down, never to be the same. Time is so short, we never know when it is going to be our last day. We never know if today is the last time we will see our loved one. We never know.....
And here I sit, wasting precious time, lamenting a love that is lost and a love that was never meant to be. How foolish am I? When I should be happy to be alive I am wishing I were dead. When I love so many I am wishing for the love of one. One is gone, never to return, the other doesn't return the love I have for him. I'm stuck. I'm struggling. The absence of joy is making each day harder and harder to cope through. Brief glimpses of my former self emerge when I can manage to keep social commitments. I put on my face and try to enjoy the moment. Sometimes I actually lose myself in the moment. But always it comes back to me, lonely, lacking, needing and wanting what I don't have.
I have to focus on what is good, I have to find the best in me, in my circumstances. I have to remember all the people who do love and care about me and that I love and care about. True I don't understand why I can't have that special man in my life to love and dote upon, but is that truly the end of the world? Yes it feels like it, but I have to make a choice. I can let it eat me alive, consume my very being or I can muster all the strength I can and try with all my might to make each day special in some small way. I am wasting time waiting for this man to make me happy, I can't afford to wait. Time is moving on, I have things to do, lives to touch and memories to make.
Marsha I will miss you but your memory will live on in my mind and my heart. I want to live my life as fully as you did.
This is my life, I am wasting time, I am committed to doing better and living!!!!!
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