Just One Of Those Days

Why do I wake up some mornings feeling so anxious I can hardly breath?
Impending doom prevails.  Not like I am expecting any particular thing to happen, just on edge and nervous.  Thinking surely something crappy is going to ruin my day!?
No plans, what shall I do with my time today?  Sit on the computer, again?  Watch another on my many movies, again?  Take a nap, again?  Sigh.  Nothing to be anxious about there....lol.  
I feel like I am chasing my tail and have no clue what I would do with if should I actually catch it.  Pointless I know.  No purpose.  Where am I going?
They are working on the road outside and the sound is making me crazy.  I finally get to open my widows to enjoy the cool air and my peace is shatter by the rat-a-tat-tat of a jack hammer?  Really!!?  Anxiety mounts.  
Why did I get out of bed?  Should have pulled the covers over my head and gone back to sleep.  The promise of a new day made me get up.  Then I walked into the oh so familiar living room and the oh so familiar emptiness caused my heart to drop.  Why am I here?  Why do I have to face another day alone?  Why does my heart ache for something I can not have?  Anxiety grows.
Got on the scale, so not happy.  Look in the mirror, yep, still looking old and tired...SIGH.
Sit at the computer, see life goes on.  Chit chatting friends, funny jokes, play a game or two, junk mail.  I'll check back in a bit....more of the same.
My heart is pounding, I want to cry, but why?  
"Pull yourself together" my head demands.  "Knock it off"....oh this is not easy....I will survive this day....I have survived many such days......let me look for some positive  thought....let me grasp a memory, let me get lost in a dream for a moment or two....Let me realize that I have things to do, things to accomplish and put one foot in front of another and make my way forward.  No matter how small the step it is moving forward, the right direction, toward something better than this anxiety.
Somedays I think "This is my life?"  For now yes it is....only I can change it, only I can live it.......